I never thought that I would sit down and have to write this… I mean it’s not like I have to but it’s the only way to get me back in the right mind.. we started out beautifully.. it was as if everything I was looking for came to me all at once. All the love I had ever given away was given right back to me. We shared intrest in food, people, and our surroundings. You took me places that I don’t think I would have ever seen if it wernt for you. You comforted me when I didn’t feel my self. You took my routine life and flipped it upside down. I took care of you, a house, food, clean clothes, a car… the list is long of the things I did. I worked hard to provide for us. Your love was all I needed to keep me going. You wrote me beautiful letters I’ll cherish forever. You would buy me little things that I said I wanted. You always knew how to put a smile on my face. No one understood me, or why I choose you so many times.. but they didn’t see the side of you that I did. The boy I knew was someone completely different than the one all his friends saw. I didn’t ever doubt you loved me, until I realized you were doing things that would eventually tear us apart. I thought after the first time this happened, and you promised me you would never do it again, things would actually change. Your exact words still haunt me. “I choose you babe, I just want you, please don’t leave” so I didnt… I gave you time to heal.. I tried to be there to comfort you. but you didnt get better.. You hid it again and again behind my back.. You ended up in the hospital where I stayed with you and didn’t leave your side at all for two days.. watched you come so close to death, you could actually feel it. I watched you become someone who you wernt. And again… I stood by you. You promised…. again. Then I told you I couldn’t live that way anymore… You promised you would make things better… and you did for a little while..
But a little over two weeks ago, I found it. At that point. I wasn’t sad… I just felt empty. You chose what you did.. and I left… You let me leave.. with no problem.. and I guess that’s what is causing MY problem.
Why was it so easy for you to let me leave? Love doesn’t just stop? Is this what you wanted? Why couldn’t you just tell me? Was this all just passing time for you?
So now three weeks later and you still haven’t contacted me… It’s like all the times we had, all the times you would look me in the eye and tell me. “Your defiantly my forever babe” there all just words.. with no meaning.
I believe you were put in my life for a reason, I still dont know that reason.. but eventually one day I will.
So thank you for all the better times in our relationship, thank you for showing me how to fish and shoot a gun, thank you for being my safe place for as long as you were, thank you for showing me how strong I can actually be, thank you for showing me words are not always meaningful, thank you for breaking me. I see it now because of the person I really am.